Get Off My Desert Lawn!

Tag: movies

  • Full-Circle Failure Pt. 1

    I am not famous. I am not a billionaire. I am not a business executive. I am not an influencer.

    So what?

    I am my own man, who does what he wants, when he wants. Poor me.

    I recently received my quarterly copy of USC Trojan Family Magazine. It is a magazine put out for USC alumni to see how great their fellow Trojans are.

    One look at me, and it’s hard for a lot of people to believe me when I say I graduated from said school. I am not a stereotypical Trojan. Truth be told, I didn’t fit in when I went there. Just like today, I was the guy that didn’t fit the mold. They couldn’t kick me out because I was smart enough to get good grades (on my own), but I wasn’t exactly the guy you wanted to put front and center to show off the great things USC offered.

    The funny part is in high school I wanted to be a screenwriter. I worked my ass off to get accepted to USC. Getting accepted was one of the greatest moments of my life. Walking the beautiful campus gave me an extreme sense of pride.

    Like Hollywood though, I soon realized it was all a facade.

    My problem was I wanted to learn the craft of screenwriting. What I learned was everything was an audition. My first class was filled with connected kids. A few had film producer fathers. One was already a published author. I was impressed, as it should be.

    Until I read their work.

    I won’t get into details, but the funny part was at the end of the semester my professor called me into the office and told me she didn’t think I had what it took to be a writer. She gave me a B when I needed a B+ to advance to the next writing class.

    Failure – 1. Me – 0.

    As luck, or fate, would have it, I somehow ended up at Hollywood Park for their Friday night race program with my cousin. Hollywood Park was a thoroughbred racetrack that is now So-Fi Stadium. My cousin had just bought a book on beating the races and wanted to try it out. When we left, he had profited something like $7. I lost like $20.

    Failure – 2. Me – 0.

    Being the competitive jerk I am, I scoured multiple bookstores and bought every book on horseracing I could find. It wasn’t long before I wasn’t even going to class. I was at the track most days. I did show up to class on important days, like tests and report days. In the end, I graduated.

    Failure – 2. Me – 1.

    One hilarious note, or slap to my face, was the commencement speakers were George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.

    Draw. Failure – 2. Me – 1.

  • I’m Gonna Git You Sucka

    If you’ve ever seen the movie, there’s a scene where a young Chris Rock goes into a BBQ joint and wants some ribs and a drink. The problem is he doesn’t want to pay full price for anything. Instead of ordering a rack of ribs, he wants just one rib. What’s worse, he doesn’t want to pay for a soda either. He wants them to just pour it in his hands.

    After going back and forth with the restaurant owners, Chris Rock pulls out a wad of hundred dollar bills and asks them if they have change for a hundred.

    After selling on Ebay for a year, I feel exactly like the restaurant owners.

    Ebay is a funny place. It’s a fun place to buy, and a fun place to sell. the problem is always the people.

    The low ballers are an interesting type. I wish I could see pictures of these types. I picture someone who thinks they are the shit, even though they live in their parent’s basement.

    I can also see them trying to negotiate at a Goodwill.

    Scratch that. They don’t even negotiate.

    I can place something for sale for $10 and they will offer me $4.99. If I counter at $8, I’ll never hear from them again. They don’t even have the decency to decline. They just disappear, making me wonder if my counter bruised their egos.

    Which makes me wonder about the mentality of a low baller. Do they really think they’re going to get me, or any other seller, to thank them for their offer and bow down to them?

    Poor me trying to push my wares on Ebay. Here comes Low Baller Man to save the day!

    Most days I get a kick out of them. They want half off. They don’t like my shipping preferences, even though it’s free to them.

    The worst part is if I do sell to them, they have the power to leave me a negative review. “Price sucks. Shipping sucks. Etc.”

    Maybe I need to stop complaining, open up a store, and kick these morons out.

    Not likely.

    These types never show their faces.

  • Hollywood 0.0

    At one point in my life, I wanted to be a screenwriter, so I find it funny that I’m happy the Summerlin Studios didn’t pass the recent legislative session. It was discovered that the proposed tax credits Sony and Warner Brothers would not be able to be recovered. One of the great things about Nevada is most of the people who run things truly care about the state, and not just their interests. You think that sounds funny? It’s even funnier to write.

    But it’s true.

    There was a lot of talk about how great it would be to have film studios here. Yes, it sounds great until you think about the reality.

    Vegas is a hospitality town. Hollywood is a me town.

    Whether they want to admit it or not, locals look after each other. Every one of us is willing to help our neighbor even if we don’t know them. We take care of each other as well as we take care of tourists. We are one big extended family. We suffer through extreme heat, flash flooding, and wild high winds. Should something happen to anyone, we’re out there trying to figure out how we can help.

    Hollywood is about egos and destruction. The mantra “What Have You Done For Me Lately” is perfect. Hollywood is known for chewing people up and spitting them out without hesitation. I could go on and on about how terrible it can be.

    So, what would happen if the two were to actually meet?

    Summerlin’s arrogance would be able to be seen from the space station.

    Can you imagine all the fancy cars radiating attitude? Traffic in Hollywood is horrendous, and they’re surrounded by a few freeways. Summerlin has one. The 215. I’m not counting the Summerlin Parkway.

    As it stands Summerlin is a little too hoity toity for me, but it’s still accessible. The “Summerliners” don’t bother me because they’re still very nice people. I could be wrong, but I think the influx of Hollywood types would ruin Summerlin as a whole.

    Do you know who I am?

    Do you know who my dad is?

    Are you in the industry?

    Ugh.

    Don’t forget all the traffic it would bring as well. A lot of fancy cars sitting in congestion is exactly what every local wants. We already sit in ridiculous traffic on the 15 and 95. Why not on Sahara, and Flamingo, and so on? Sounds great, especially when it’s 440 degrees outside.

    Actually, I take that back. I’d like to see the convertibles sitting in traffic.

    In the end, for every positive thing Hollywood 2.0 would bring, I could think of three negative things.

    But who wants to read about that.

    Let’s just make our Las Vegas lives easier. Hollywood should stay in Hollywood.